Thursday, September 12, 2013

Football Widowhood

1.  A glazed-over stare.  Unreactivity to kid chaos around.  Where "1 minute" can mean about 15.
Yeah, I'm trying to DRAW, which is scary.  To see this done WELL, go to Mama Knows, Honeychild
2.  The life of the football widow.  While he senses only the game, I perceive...

Our TV is smaller than a big box.  But I can't draw that.  Need art lessons...:D

3.  I've tried.  I want to like it football!!  It would be so convenient!  My husband would be so happy!! Instead, I look exactly like this when the Pats are on.  

Like, exactly.  Note attempt of patience in eyes contrasted with pursed lips.  grrrr...

4.  But I can't.  Football feels intrusive, downright annoying, and lasts forEVer.

5. The only time I can care is when I see them do something remotely good.  But those stories are fewer and farther between than the yucky stuff.  Sigh...  I want athletes I can look up to, even a little bit!  I want to know they hug their moms.  Donate millions to charity.  Or hey, that they're Christian. Not just overpaid, immature dudes playing a game and thus heralded as national heros. 

It bugs me...  It makes me draw bad sketches in the inimitable style of Mama Knows, Honeychild.  But hey, it's amusing me, and it's does not involve a ball or watching the Pets beat the Jats or whatever...

6.  So football season is an exercise in patience for me, a tiny piece of purgatory, a step towards sanctification. Some menfolk have informed me that it's a peaceful substitute for war; football is better than war, for sure...

7.  In sum, while I find myself (very much) wishing I had a show that took three hours at a time that I "had" to watch at least once a week to make it "fair"... I will focus on being grateful that my man does not care much for the beer and chick commercials, and that he owns but one car and one minivan. Even if the pursuit of a ball looks all cool like this to him:

"Heap getum ball.  Runnum ball to line.  Makem touchdown.  Capisce?" 
but reminds me of nothing more than this:

As a substitute for complaining or giving the evil eye, I will try to chat with a friend or go out for coffee, praying the kids don't destroy the house or each other.  

And really... I now have my own hobby.  A hobby that will help me avoid near occasions of sin regarding my football frustration: I can blog.  Even if I can't draw...

"You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses: they are unclean for you." Leviticus 11:8

P.S. This was referring to pigs.  Like "pigskin."  Aka, football... forbidden by Scripture?? 
P.P.S. Yes, I'm kidding.  Made me grin though.  :D) 


  1. Ha...I totally hear ya. I'm a football widow too..and I totally don't get the sport. I just don't get it. I mean, WHO CARES who wins. I don't know any of these men from Adam, why should I car who's better at tossing a pigskin around? It's all the same to me, really. I just don't get it. And football and baseball and basketball are the ONLY shows to ever darken the screen of our tiny TV. The rest of us don't even watch it.

    1. Yep. JDGI: Just don't get it. :D I should host a link-up during football games...

  2. ... the length of football game, you say, how about this excessively boring thing called baseball!!!:) I would love to hear your complains about that senseless activity.
    But honestly I like football, even though I do not have time to sit down and watch it. Andrzej though, really, really enjoys it( the reason for our enormous TV ), but he lets go off it when he is needed or when we go somewhere.
    On another do you feel about soccer? That thing lasts 90 + minutes, but o my, sometimes they just run, and run, and run, and they end up scoreless! I still enjoy it though, as long as it is World or European Cup.
    Good luck to you:)

    1. Kinga, you're right: baseball is worse. Fortunately, Dan mostly agrees with me on that. Soccer he watches though... ohhh yeah. But at least the minutes are in real time. My favorite is probably basketball: shorter, faster paced...

  3. Great post! I laughed because I can relate and I loved the drawings.

  4. I love football season. It's the only time I can get my husband to relax. Or leave the house. He watches football in the barn. :)

  5. Thankfully my husband really only cares to watch Collage ball so at least it's not all weekend. Yeah for blogging as a hobby though right.

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