Top 10 Highlights of Vacation

10. Tornado watch.  I mention this first because if I were to begin with the fact that we were enduring 70 degree temperatures while my Northeast peeps froze under snow... well, then that might breed bad feeling.  So, I'll try this: guess what happens when temps jump 40 degrees? Tornado watches!

Now, I "do" hurricanes.  Yeah they're big, yeah they're scary, but you know about them days in advance.  You know pretty much where they will hit, when, and how bad it's gonna be.  Which means if you have a mind to pack up all your people and possessions and move inland, you can pretty much do that.

Hurricane watches are different than tornado watches.  Different than, "Oh, fyi o ye family touring outdoor historic sites, there is a possibility that a funnel will drop from the sky and take you into the next life.  Just so's ya know. Y'all be careful out there. Watch yer heads." Or something.

We were all in historic Jamestown when we got that particular weather news from a very nervous Park Ranger. My husband and sister-in-law took it in stride, and made attempts to tell me not to worry.  "It's just a watch.  That just means conditions are favorable for a [funnel cloud of death] twister to [drop from any point above us and] form.  That's all."

This did not work for me, an individual who's of a mind that people in Kansas should regularly live underground, or at least keep their babies and collectibles in bunkers all the time.

Somewhere between the Pocahontas statue and the archaeological museum that had already disturbed my children with highly unnecessary specifics of survivalist cannibalism, the watch became a warning and we were told to "go home."  Because a second story, vacation "home" was tornado-proof, I suppose.

Usually I'd post a picture here, but I was too busy dragging my blythely unconcerned children towards the relative safety of a small car to take anything as mundane as a photograph.  Here's my best at a visual:

We got to the parking lot, waited an endless 2.3 minutes while a male relative used the restroom, and began to drive off the island via a small, low bridge with no guardrails.  

On our left over the Chesapeake, a misty, grayish mass was moving over the water, spinning it into a froth as it went.  I had enough time to say, "Hey, look at..." and the car shook violently in (ha!) hurricane force winds.  Large hail pinged off the roof, and water started to flood across the bridge.  Grey was the sky, the rain, the bay, and the road, and little distinction could be made between any of them.  

I handled it...well, I prayed.  Yes, my voice sounded strangely like a weepy and very excitable Miss Piggy repeating the Lord's name and random, philosophical questions like "Can we go back?" and "Is it safe?"   

Steering her tiny car with my now-crazed self and two older daughters--one following her emotional lead, one mine--my much more level-headed, wonderful sis drove that car off the island to safety, avoiding fallen tree branches as well as open bodies of water as she went.  And we lived to spend the evening in the outdoor hot tub, watching the birds fly home across a gorgeous sunset, temps in the mid 60's.

Happy sigh.

9.  Awesome RI neighbors.  Absurdly awesome RI neighbors.  Neighbors who, while you are walking around Williamsburg in shorts, text you pics of your freshly shoveled stairs and walkway back home "so people wouldn't know you were away."  Oh, and they fix your screen door while they are at it.  

The south hasn't cornered the market on friendliness yet! :)

8.  Awesome, clean-looking indoor pool that is warm enough that you don't have to "get used to it."  LOVE!

7. Big Game Hunting Safari.  Folks, there is now a video game I'm addicted to.  Our resort place had a free (squeak!) arcade for kids and yours truly.  I got neck strain from the time I spent with that plastic rifle, while my progeny beat air hockey pucks and billiard balls behind me. Somewhere in VA now, "KD" has a high score record for her ability to shoot five bucks and the trophy (usually a poor zebra or giraffe or elephant).  I'm so very proud. Got extra points for shooting flamingos too.  In real life, I don't have the heart to kill anything bigger than a bee, but on Big Game Hunting Safari...booya!!

Oh and playing x-box dance games with my girls was loads of fun too.

6.  Winter Olympics!  And time to watch them.

5,  Historical sites.

I have an unreasonable love for historical sites--"George Washington was actually here!!!"--probably because I was once a homeschooled Rhode Islander who was a rabidly avid reader whose family wouldn't ever drive more than 15 minutes in any direction, practically, for oh, like, eighteen years.  So yay historical sites! 

If I could invent an app, it would be to get pinged to know when I'm passing a historical site and what happened there.  (Yeah it probably already exists, but my phone's out storage space...) Out of the collection of non-essential things that annoy me, few annoy me more than seeing a small, black and white historical marker while speeding down the freeway, with no place (and/or time) to park and read what it was, and only ever getting the first line and a half.  "Greenwald's Tears Near this site was the last stand of the noble..."  That's all you get.  Grrr.

So yay for Williamsburg and Jamestown and Yorktown!  Williamsburg was a lovely walk down a colonial street, 

Jamestown was right on the bay and would have been gorgeous if it hadn't been chock full of tornadoes and stuff, and Yorktown was awesome awesome because they preserved, like, the whole thing!  Acres and acres of battlefield.  So neat...

3. TVs.  As in, one in each of two bedrooms and a big one for the living room.  Deplorable.  Bad for the brain. Lousy for sleep.  Isolating to the family.  SO MUCH FUN!  My little ones could watch "Caillou" while my tweens watched "Good Luck Charlie" and Dan and I watched parallel slalom finals.  Crazy cool.  

2.   Bathrooms.  As in, 2 whole, full bathrooms.  As in, more than 1 bathroom.  As in, 50% better than my normal existence.  As in, I could technically (though unadvisedly) have two people brushing their teeth, two people bathing, and two on the potty at the same time!  I wouldn't but... man.   The possibilities.  Getting misty-eyed just thinking about it. 

That's it!!  As soon as I can figure out how, a "Go Fund Me" button is going up for a second bathroom!  I give in!  Bathrooms, happy sigh... oh and

1. Family. Of course. Sisters-in-law who hang out with the kiddos and put them back to sleep when they wake in a strange house. A father-in-law who chuckles at the antics of the two year old, takes you to dinner, and then plays board games with you for hours. And a mother-in-law.

0. A daughter losing a new iPod full of photos.  :(

-1.  A time share presentation.  Oh help.  Oh, they're good.  They are "just doing it for you."  They "know how it is to vacation with family."  The offer "is for today only."  Oh you want a better offer?  Oh that's impossible.  Just impossible.  But you know, "Let me just go check with my boss to make sure."  And guess what!  The impossible is possible!  Just sign here and you will be the owners of more time share property!   

Heck no!  We have enjoyed the timeshare that was very much "sold" to us when we were barely into our twenties and a month into wedded life.  But no more please, because hey, pretty much anything is an "upgrade" if it has more than one bathroom and the stove isn't harvest gold and does have more than two burners. It can pay not to be spoiled.  Heck, I'd happily try tenting.... but you know Daddy Warbucks has a taste for the finer things.

There we have it.  Figured it was time for an indulgent post, as this blog is taking the place of two decades of short-hand, illegible diaries.  Need to record these wonderful highlights for posterity....

Linked to Many Little Blessings, Hip Homeschool Moms, and Titus 2 Tuesday

Ten life-changing moments of gratitude, from bathtubs to Zuckerberg

10.  Polio vaccines.  I am thankful for polio vaccines (and other vaccines too, actually.)  Folks, I am absolutely tickled pink that I don't have to worry about my kids getting polio, pretty much. Crossing that anxiety off the list right now.  If I'd have kept up with posting one thing I'm thankful for daily on Facebook, like I intended too, that would be one of them.  Along with

9.  The absence of sharks.  Yep, I'm thankful to have a phobia that I very rarely encounter, and then only on the other side of a tempered glass aquarium that I've been assured throughout life would never, ever break, really Katie, are you kidding me.  :D

And yes, I've tried to overcome this fear.  Mad at my stupid anxiety in the presence of a fish as a teen, I'd press my face against the tank and try to be calm while seeing those cold eyes and sharp teeth swim slowly and menacingly by me at Mystic Aquarium.  Now that I'm older and more mature, I just give the predatorial exhibit a wide berth and gaze at penguins.  In the words of Mark Shea "no mortal power could possess me" to get in a shark cage or swim with those ugly fish.  Nor this, which will open in the spring in Kansas City:

World's Tallest Water Slide, which I'm thankful I'll never go on

I'm also thankful for the overall absence of famine, pestilence, war, anarchy, earthquakes, and twisters where I live.  On a positive note:

8.  Bathtubs.  The year was 2001, I was hugely pregnant, I was in Europe, and I did not have a bathtub at my disposal in my Austrian dorm.  There was no way to immerse my procreating massiveness in water.  This was hugely unpleasant.  So we had the opportunity to visit Ireland, Dan took me to the tourist spot I most wanted to see: a B&B with a white tub, in a white, windowless bathroom.  Where I stayed for blissful hours at a time.

 I love my bathtub.  Yes, it was designed in the 30's for a generation that attained, judging by the length, the regal height of about 4 feet.  Yes, when you immerse in said tub, you close your eyes not so much out of a desire for relaxation, but more of an urge to shut out the areas of soap residue you couldn't see while cleaning from a more upright angle.  Yes, your preschoolers will positively howl when they realize mommy is taking a bath to which they are not invited.  It's still worth it.  At least every six months or so.  With epsom salts.  Because they rock.  Really you must try them.

7.  Speaking of baths... I'm thankful to have, despite various chronic issues, an intact and serviceable body.  I just took a bath in aforementioned tub, infused with a dead sea salt tea-like concoction that worked magic such that I've only taken two Advil and one frozen bag of rice to the couch to write this.  Anyway, I had time to consider my pluses and minuses and you know... it's a win.  For having given life to four kids on earth and two in heaven... I'm content.  We all should give our bodies more credit than we tend to do, we women especially, and okay guys too, especially

6.  Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg.  I'm thankful for them.  Personally, I didn't get introduced to the internet until college, and our entire dorm shared a corded phone.  When my kids get to college, I can Skype with them on a tablet.  I mean, that's awesome.  :)  I really appreciate I-Phones and Facebook.  I love looking up information and getting it instantly.  Yes, it can be abused, and yes we need to get some eye to eye contact with human beings but... wow.  Thanks, gentlemen.

5.  Fruit.  Sweet, healthy, no cooking required.  As we prepare for Thanksgiving, I am reminded that there was no cooking in Eden.  Macintosh apples are my favorites, an apparent genetic preference since I rarely get to eat any with all my kids ravenous for them as well.   I am not thankful that these seem harder to obtain these days.  I remember when you could get these any time of year, harumph. Which reminds me:

4.  Memory.  I mean, most of the time, I have some.  What was I saying again?  Oh yeah.  It's great to have memories!  Wouldn't it be awful if we just lived linearly?  I love the ability to be in the doldrums of peeling potatoes and busting out laughing over a prank a friend played on me in college.  Speaking of pranks: just today, I found two empty soda bottles in my mailbox (since it was hours ago, I still remember this.)  I've been grinning all afternoon plotting the return of these objects.  Also been grinning while thinking of the imminent visit of

Awesome pic of the three of us.  You're welcome. :D

3.  Inlaws.  To be precise, my sisters-in-law, our flesh-and-blood fairy godmothers.  I've been absolutely overwhelmed by the thoughtfullness, generosity, and kindness of these two ladies, which has materialized in everything from furniture to shoes.  It's a rare woman who can take another woman and say, "Sister, I love you dearly, but you are never to wear x article of clothing again. Here's five new ones of x.  Wear them or I will haunt you." And oh!  They have great taste.  :D And they are such fun to go Black Friday shopping with (no, I didn't say Thanksgiving shopping: we will dutifully be thankfully eating turkey at the proper times, never fear.)  Thanks to these beautiful ladies, Black Friday shopping is very much "family time."  Even more so than Thanksgiving football.  Go figure. :)

2.  Women and Infants Hospital.  Yes, they were awful during my pregnancy losses.  But they also sent me home with my 32 weeker, who's now a towering 11 year-old little mommy to her sisters. I'm very grateful for that, and that I can work to affect change at the hospital to help other women have better experiences.  Currently, I'm honored to be putting together a "miscarriage task force" to improve the treatment of women who have losses at the hospital.  Please feel free to message me with any personal stories, ideas on what to do, and/or what to avoid when a mom has a baby they can't take home. And thanks for your prayers for the success of this project! 

1.  Literacy.  Cuz how bad would it be if, like centuries of people before us, we couldn't read or write?

It goes without saying that I'm tremendously grateful for God and my faith, my husband and kids, my friends, my country, my home.  And you.  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!  :)

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever." Psalm 136:1

Linked to Many Little Blessings, Titus 2sday, 
Far Above Rubies, From Inmates to Playdates, and Growing Home

Top Ten Reasons to Eat Chocolate... Now

10.  Because it's there.  Duh... :D

9.  So you're kids won't.  Because the last thing they need is more energy.  Though it IS a very impressive first word to teach your toddler: before the age of 2, Cecilia asked for "Choka?" while Felicity requested "Cachick?" which sounded oddly Russian...

8.  So your spouse won't.  Because this kind isn't their favorite, anyway.  I'm just noting that fact...

7.  For medicinal reasons!

6.  Because you are in the car, and it will melt otherwise.  Wonderfully, you can still drive after consuming it! You can have a big piece at 4 PM, or even 4 AM, daily, and you won't be labeled a "lush."  Fantastic.

5.  To celebrate the release of "The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning."  (Please don't miss the book description below it; it's to die for...)  Honestly, I feared I'd have to write a book like this, because someone had to; I couldn't be happier that it was done through the wit and wisdom of Simcha Fisher!!  Delighted that Catholics now have a realistic, common sense approach to the blessing and cross of honoring God's gift of fertility.  Fantastic.  Can't wait to get a paper copy...

4.  To cope with news like this:  UGH.  A church leader with a $20,000 bathtub.  May God smite him with common sense.

3.  To muse over posts like this, by a blogger I typically agree with.  Because yes, the food stamp system is abused. But no, the principle of subsidiary does not, unfortunately, always work, and some sort of system to help the (truly) unfortunate is needed.  Because humans act like humans and fail like humans sometimes: the "haves" are afraid to give enough, and the "have nots" are afraid and can take too much.  I tend to have a heart for the "have-nots," because I feel it is so easy to be judgmental of a lady in front of you in the grocery line, embarrassed to be using WIC and texting on an I-Phone. Because that lady has been me, and my sister-in-law gave me that phone.  You never know another's circumstances, so let your judgments proceed with gentleness. (Luke 6:37,38)

2.  To celebrate my first calendar appearance!  Yes, in the form of a sad quote, but still!  Today we celebrate both Babyloss Remembrance Day (light a candle with us at 7 PM and wish me luck: I will be giving a presentation to the OB Council at Women and Infants Hospital at that same time!) and the feast of St. Teresa of Avila.  Yep, both on the same day.  Because the Lord is cool like that.  And here's her supremely cool quote:

1.  Because chocolate is one of God's myriad ways of telling us He loves us, and one of millions of proofs that He desires our happiness.  ;)

Linked to Many Little Blessings and This, That, and the Other Thing

Top Ten Things Wrong With This Picture...

This is making the rounds of Facebook. And I hate it, for many reasons...

REALLY???

10.  Apparently, the viewer of this picture is meant to judge two things: the lady depicted, and themselves as related to her.  And my first complaint is... am I missing something?  Can I at least SEE HER FACE??   Like "eyes window to the soul" stuff?  No?  Okay...

9.  I'm missing a story line.  What brings you, madam, to balance precariously on a piece of driftwood in a precariously placed yellow bit of covering?  Wanna turn around?  No?  No.  Okay, so while we have no way of knowing from this picture if this woman is happy/partying, sad/suicidal or simply scared of heights--without any of these criteria, we are meant to compare ourselves with her, with us on the losing side.  "Lady in Yellow" is presented on a lofty wooden pedestal to indulge our self-disdain.

8.  I'm assuming that this woman is meant as an example of non-laziness.  Yes, even though she is depicted in a bathing suit dilly-dallying on a stick.  Even though--I can see from here--her hair is a hot mess which may indicate, perhaps, (gasp) laziness?  Hmm?  (Oh yes, I'm having FUN overthinking this, thanks...  This ANNOYS me....)

7.  I'm taking it that this picture assumes we a. want to be this woman and b.  to be like this woman, we can't be lazy.  Since she is not shown changing a tire, I guess we are supposed to assume that Ms. Size 4 or Less worked out until her body was ready for this closeup. 

6.  So far, I think we normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill women are meant to look at her and sigh, "Look at that girl standing on a piece of driftwood with the fit tanned body!  Gosh, I want to be just like her.  Her suit is so yellow!  She is so happy (I guess)!  Look at the benefits of working out!  And to be like her, I can't be lazy."  

5.  This is likely the depiction of a teenager.  One who has worked out little, if at all.  Possibly, judging from what little of her can actually be seen, not even fully developed yet.  Her body is, likely, a reflection not of her work ethic but of her immaturity, further evidenced by her willingness to pose for a shot of her derriere.  

4.  For argument's sake, let's say she looks like this because she's in the gym almost daily.  That, in fact, she's not lazy and her diet and exercise routine is just perfect for yielding this photographed result. Then, good for her!  I mean, comb your hair a little, and next time when someone says "Say cheese!" use your face to smile at the camera.  Works better that way.  And don't trip...

3.  Also for argument's sake, let's say you aren't lazy, either.  That you eat sensibly and move about as often and effectively as you can.  And, suppose, you still don't look like this woman.  Are you lazy? Well, that depends.  Did you go to work today?  Feed your children?  Clean your house?  Then no.  Do you loll about for weeks while paid passers-by drip Lindt truffles into your gaping maw?  Then yes. You're lazy.  Get a life.  

2.  So your body is likely NOT a reflection of your laziness, after all...  It's a reflection of the genes your inherited from your parents.  It's a reflection of the number of years you have graced this earth. It's a reflection of sleep lost while caring for loved ones.  It's a reflection of the children you bore and nursed.   It's a reflection of the times of sickness and health, injury and wholeness, both emotional and physical.  It bears the marks of the laughs you've enjoyed, the worries you've thought through, the tears you've shed, the loads you have carried.

1.  Whatever your faults, your body is a reflection of the love and goodness and beauty of your Creator.  Go take a selfie and put that slogan on it, how's that?  :)  

Linked to Many Little Blessings

Top Ten Things you hope your kids don't yell while you pay at drive-thru

(And my kids have said most of them.:)

10.  "Look!  A PLAYPLACE!  WHAT?  We are NOT going to the playplace?  WAHHHH!!!"

9.  "My mommy doesn't like crazy-painted nails.  Like yours."

8.  "Can I JUST get a slushie?  Or do we not have money again this week?"

7.  (On bad mommy days): "Why do we have to come here again?  We were just here this morning!"

6.  "Baby just [disgusting bodily function verb, past tense.]"

5.  "NO FAIR!  She had a munchkin last week, and I didn't have one, and that's SO NOT FAIR that she gets that again..." (!!!!!)

4.  "You know that huge bag of garbage you just put in the drive-thru trash can, mom?  I found some more!!  And it's a DIAPER: LOOK!!"

3.  "Fwies!  FWIES! FWIES!  Where FWIES??  Wahahah..." (And there's a 10 minute wait on the blasted things...)

2.  "So Mom, IS there or ISN'T there a Santa Claus?"

1.  "How exactly did God put me in your tummy, Mom?"

(The last two actually happened.  Recently.  At a drive thru window.)

May your days be filled with (easy, quick, healthy, and popular) home-cooked meals...

Linked to Epic Mommy Adventures and Many Little Blessings

Further updates on Rosie...

Top ten reasons I'm not doing a top ten today:

10.  It's my other daughter's birthday tomorrow, and I don't have time to finish any of the top ten drafts of top tens I'm working on, really...
9-2. I'm exhausted...
and #1: The following is more important:

For everyone who has been praying for Rosie Grimm, I want to continue to give updates here as I receive them.  Here is the latest I saw from her mom:

"Her spirits are still good, but she has lost most of her strength and just about all her mobility.  She has asked her father to carry her to the choir loft at TAC [Thomas Aquinas College] on Sunday, because she can still sing.  I really hope that happens, even though it seems a little crazy.

Love, and ongoing thanks for your prayers, which are sustaining us."

On September 3rd, Rosie's nephew and godson Carl was born.  She did not think she'd live to see his birth, and is very happy about spending time with him!  (Pictured with her dad holding a slightly older little relative.)

And this is the latest from Rosie herself:  

Dear friends,

So you may know my devotion to Blessed Miguel Augustine Pro. He was a Mexican priest who died before a firing squad crying Viva Christo Ray!

I especially love him for his sense of humor. As a teenager he kidnapped a padre's robe and went wandering around preaching and collecting donations. When he was caught it turned out he preached well and nothing heretical so they merely took the donations and left it at that.  

I also love his particular sense of charity. He was working as a legal advisor for a widow shortly before his death. After his shooting she went to her lawyer to say her work would have to be delayed because her advisor had died. The surprised lawyer told that Fr Pro had just dropped off all paperwork completely finished.

I myself received reassurance in prayer from Padre Pro on his feast day. I felt I had a real answering prayer. So please focus your prayers with Padre Pro.

Here is a beautiful prayer composed by Fr Pro shortly before his death: 

Does our life become from day to day more painful, more oppressive, more replete with afflictions? Blessed be He a thousand times who desires it so. If life be harder, love makes it also stronger, and only this love, grounded on suffering, can carry the Cross of my Lord Jesus Christ. Love without egotism, without relying on self, but enkindling in the depth of the heart an ardent thirst to love and suffer for all those around us: a thirst that neither misfortune nor contempt can extinguish... I believe, O Lord; but strengthen my faith... Heart of Jesus, I love Thee; but increase my love. Heart of Jesus, I trust in Thee; but give greater vigor to my confidence. Heart of Jesus, I give my heart to Thee; but so enclose it in Thee that it may never be separated from Thee. Heart of Jesus, I am all Thine; but take care of my promise so that I may be able to put it in practice even unto the complete sacrifice of my life.

Love and thanks, 

Rosie

P.S. If anyone wants it, here's a novena to Bl. Miguel:

Blessed martyr of Christ the King, Father Miguel Agustin Pro, you are a special patron of those who labor, those in illness, depression or despair.  You are also a friend of musicians, the captives, and all who work toward social justice.  Your beloved brothers, the Jesuits, revere you and count you among the ranks of their saints.  You love your people of Mexico and all those loyal to the Church.
I thank the Sacred Heart for loving you so dearly.
I pray to Our Lady of Guadalupe whom you love so dear, to intercede for the cause of your canonization.
I pray that you remember me in your eternal and well-deserved rejoicing, and also my needs: [state needs]Through your courageous life and martyrdom you have won the crown of life everlasting.
Remember me, Blessed Miguel, for I remember you.
Viva Cristo Rey!  Viva la Virgen de Guadalupe!

IMPRIMATUR:  Most Reverend John F. Donoghue
                               Archbishop of Atlanta
                               December 21, 2004

Beautiful words from a brave young woman, who wants us to ask her friend in heaven (Miguel Pro) to pray for her too.  In my friend (her sister) Wendy's words, "While Rosie's physical condition continues to seriously deteriorate, we have already felt blessings flowing from your prayers!"  

Rosie's latest Facebook status was typical Grimm wit, off-beatly silly and simply touching:  "'These are Runasable rabbits.  I'd like to see them try!'  I'm so tired. Goodnight."

While I'm not privy to whatever inside joke this was, somehow the status makes me smile and well up at the same time.

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and prayers for this special request, and also for your prayers for my much smaller issue... had my appointment today about the weird bloodwork results that they were making a fuss about (I have some rarer genetic markers... oooo, be impressed!) and apparently, long story short: there's nothing alarming.  I'm just a little differently made up.  But we knew that already. ;)

I'm going to get ready to have a three year old turn four.  Hope you all have a good night and a blessed day tomorrow.

Linked to Cornerstone Confessions, Many Little Blessings and Growing Home

Top 10 Steps to Homeschooling

1.  Have a wild fit of hubris mitigated by sheer common sense: Without a doubt, you are your child's best option for a teacher.

2.  Spend the rest of the summer entertaining doubts.

3.  Attend a homeschool convention.  Realize that you, too, can now be called "eccentric."  (Recall field trip you once took to see Pollyanna statue.  Recognize that the shoe fits...)

Look at endless kinds of books, vast varieties of curricula, and hosts of online programs.  All "on sale." Leave more confused than when you entered.

4.  Ask your homeschooling friends "what they use" to homeschool.  Have 98% of them say, "Oh, we do our own thing."

??????

5.  Inquire as to what "their own thing" entails.  Acquire 87 recommendation of "must have" books and 48 "can't live without" curricula.

6.  Despair and ignore all educational options for a month.

7.  Join homeschool forums online.  Stem rising panic as you apprehend that people got their books in April.  That moms are putting finishing touches on home "classrooms."  That you don't even have a "real" desk.

My"classroom"

8.  "Get around to" writing the all-important "letter of intent to homeschool" to the superintendent of the city.  Wait for a response.

9.  The night before, wonder what the heck you think you are doing.  Curb urge to run to 24 hour Walmart to grab school supplies and send child off to nearest public institution of learning.

Insecurely ask child if they still "want to do this."  Get an unequivocal assent.

10.  Take deep breaths.  Look at the stack of elementary, high school, and college material you pulled out of hiding from the attic.  To begin, select the Bible.  The first chapter of Genesis.  Because, first things first, you know?

Read aloud the ancient poetry: "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.  Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters...

the first day...

And it was very good."

Linked to

http://www.catholicbloggersnetwork.com/p/link-up-blitz.html

http://www.weirdunsocializedhomeschoolers.com/,

and http://www.manylittleblessings.com/category/top-ten-tues/

Top 10 hazards of the doctor's office

Yessir yessir, it's a "hot" month here at the blogathon... Today's hot topic: I just got diagnosed with IBS, which pairs nicely with my Crohn's!  Yay!

Is there a less sexy diagnosis?  I mean, diseases used to have romanticized, almost pretty names even for lousy things.  "Consumption."  "Tissick."  Even "Rising of the Lights."  

But none of that, I have Irritable... never mind.  I'm going to get to drink fiber drinks just like me da.  :)

That's why I haven't been quite up to par on posts recently... I get dizzy and woozy during such flare-ups.  My state of mind could best be expressed in "pig Indian," the nonsensical version of my native ancestor's talk-talk: "Ugh.  Feel bad, worst in many moons.  Likum coffee, but it no likum me.  Want sleep heap much.  Ugh."

Anyhow, from personal experience, today: the top 10 hazards of taking your children with you on a doctor's appointment.  Which, by the law of averages, will happen at some point if you have kids, however you try to avoid it.

1.  Elevator buttons

First things first: if you have more than one kid, they will fight over who gets to press the button. Every time.

2.  Magazines

As you discard Cosmopolitan and Redbook and hand out Parenting and Family Circle, you are also doling out ads.  For toys.  And new things that cost money.  They will take note.  "Oooo I want this!"

3.  The water cooler

Innocently placed in the most unavoidable location, this innocuous device is one of the most feared and dreaded challenges of the doctor's office avec l'enfants experience.  Some can be unplugged and will then be "bwoken," but others... hide the cups and muffle the screams, mama friends.  This one is tough.  Be prepared to handle a tantrum and hold five plastic cups while cleaning spills, changing clothes, and drinking absurd amounts of water, lovingly doled out by your doting little ones who are convinced, over and over, that "Mommy needs a dwink."

So that's the water dispenser... there several other types of dispensers, once you finally get in to see the doctor.

4. Sanitizer

Now available in nifty boxes which require only the wave of a hand (or standing under it the wrong way) for a child's handful of Purell to be wiped on the back of your shorts.  Because that will be the quickest way for them to get the stuff off their hands.

5.  Latex gloves

Your kids will love playing Doc McStuffins with several pairs of stretchy hands.  They can also make fine, creepy balloons when inflated.  Enjoyably chokable.  Now available in purple.

6.  Tissues

The good, ole' fashioned appeal of one of childhood's favorite dispensers, always in abundance here

7.  Sharps containers

No, they can't really get into those, thankfully.  But somehow, the sight of visible, infectious needles hanging over your child's head will not help your frayed nerves.

8.  The bright red box of hazardous waste

This ain't locked.  'Nuff said.

9.  Germs

I'm not really a germophobe, I just don't like germs and have a healthy respect for them.  And doctor's attract people with germs, who come with their germs, and leave their germs.  And kids have a magnetism to germs.

Why can't they make paper that actually fits the tables???  Why why why....

10.  The rolling chair

"Whhheeeeee!!!  Wahahahaha!!  Mine!  My tuuwwnnn!  WEEEEEEEE!"

Oh yes: if there's a mirror, they will lick it.  I would have taken a pic of that part too but at the time I was too busy trying to pulling them away from the glass, talking to the doctor, removing dancing preschoolers from the exam table, while trying to keep an attractive johnny on.

Stay well my friends, stay well.  And if not, may your children sit in quiet pairs, on chairs.

"I am the LORD, who heals you."  Exodus 15:26

Linked to: http://www.catholicbloggersnetwork.com/p/link-up-blitz.html
and http://www.manylittleblessings.com/categories/top-ten-tuesday-info/