Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Summa Chocolatia: Top Ten

Here's my thought for today: how good is God that we have... chocolate.  

The consumption of chocolate, I find, adds an entirely new, caffeine-induced level of understanding of apologetics. Consider, for instance:

1. God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Chocolate makes me feel loved and happy.
Therefore God wants us to eat chocolate.

2. Or, to be more specific:


  • We see that natural bodies work toward some goal, and do not do so by chance.
  • Most natural things lack knowledge.  
  • But as an arrow reaches its target because it is directed by an archer, what lacks intelligence achieves goals by being directed by something intelligence.
  • Therefore some intelligent being exists by whom all natural things are directed to their end; and this being we call God.

  • From this proof of God's existence, we can also conclude--while under the influence of enough Twix--that since chocolate's natural end is within us, therefore chocolate is God's gift to us.  

    3. We can know by our natural reason that there is a God, for natural reason tells us that that a world wherein there is chocolate could have been made only by a all-good Being, all-wise and almighty.
    4. Our senses prove that some things are in motion, and that other things should be in motion. Like chocolate.  Chocolate should always be in actual motion, as the potential motion of chocolate does not unite chocolate with its ultimate end: your digestive system. 

    5. The beauty of chocolate is directly referenced in Scripture in the Songs of Solomon 1:5: "I am black but beautiful." 

    6. Chocolate, a product of vegetation, was created on the third day.  Wednesdays should be celebrated accordingly.

    7. Scripture says that God has put into our hearts the desire .....for chocolate.  Therefore, the consumption of chocolate is meritorious.

    And then, there's the following Psalms, read through Snicker smudges:

    8. "Praise the Lord... fruit trees and all cedars!" Psalm 148:9 (Doubtless, here "fruit trees" primarily denotes the cocoa tree...)

    9. "The chocolate of the Lord is Good, delighting the heart." Psalm 19:8, The Whitman Bible.

    10.  From one of the lesser known Belgian Translations: "Thy Word is a lamp for my feet, and chocolate along the path." Psalm 119:105


    Earnestly seeking chocolate from among the lesser candies
    From all this can be seen that I have, perhaps, had far too much of a good thing... hmm.


    "Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on him while he is near." Isaiah 55:6



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