Friday, October 4, 2013

Day Four: Legacy

A few months ago, I would have been flummoxed to come up with a "legacy" for a child lost through miscarriage.  But now I understand...


This is a picture of my Pepper, jumping in utero.  Up and down like on a trampoline.  Wish I had a video... she was so full of life.  This picture reminds me that her life was happy, and that she wants her mommy to be happy too.  She gave me her

Joy

There's a saying that "you grow a new heart for each child."  And I grew another heart, full of love, for each of my two losses.  Even though they are no longer here, what remains is

Love

Their memory is treasured.  When I see my four girls playing in the park together, I just know my heavenly ones are nearby too.  It doesn't take visibility and tangibility to still exist.  And they are still alive, and with their sisters I see

Unity

Their legacy will live with myself and my children.  My daughters have become acquainted with grief.  They now have softer, more sensitive hearts, more open to the wounded world, because they lost a little sister they so wanted to meet.  We are all sadder, but stronger for it; and show greater

Compassion

Maintaining a legacy for my lost little ones gives me direction and keeps me busy.  I have much writing to still do on the topic.  I am now aware that 1 in 4 women experience a stillbirth, and want to do all I can to raise awareness and promote research to lesson this number.  We hear a lot about SIDS, but that is actually much less common than stillbirth.   I joined the Obstetric Council at the local birthing hospital and will be giving a presentation of my loss story (not a great medical experience) to the doctors and nurses who want to

Make good changes

I now understand how to approach those who grieve.  It's not a scary, uncomfortable, "Oh good gosh what do I SAY?" ordeal anymore.  It's "I'm so very sorry" and a hug, showing a

Fearless kindness

Thanks, sweet little ones--my Gabriel and Perpetua--for all you have taught your mommy.  I'm learning from you more every day.  Most of all, I've learned how to love better: more deeply, and with more

Gratitude

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