Saturday, October 12, 2013

Day Eleven: Emotional Triggers

Thankfully, I'm better at this than I once was.  When I first lost my baby, anywhere I had been before--when she was still alive--was hard to go back to.  Anywhere or anything that connected the happy before with the much sadder "now."  Now that I pretty much have been everywhere and seen everyone that I had while I carried her, the constant before/after triggers seem thankfully behind me. 

I'm nervous about going through my first round of holidays without her.  And I'm dreading the cold weather for the first time.  I carried her from the fall through the long winter last year; she left me when the first whispers of spring were rustling the buds, just before it got warm.  I'm so sorry she never got to feel the sun.  I find myself disliking what was once my favorite season, the fall that leads to my first winter since she went away.  Here's big sis loving the leaves; I thank God every day for their contagious joy. :)

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