Okay, so maybe I was talking a little fast. You see, about every two years, I reluctantly take one of my fave devices-my digital camera--to be "pronounced" by the nice camera-fix it guys down the street. And I'm usually in a friendly yet agitated state.
And this guy says the same thing to me, every two years. (No more coffee, indeed!:) And every time, the camera is just dead.
But this time...
"Sweetie, you see this knob? Yeah, just put it on Auto. See? It works fine on Auto... you had it basically on the 'action shots at night' setting."
Oh. Of course. I should have known that. I take pictures as one of my many mini jobs, after all.
But I'm not quite myself these days. Mommy-brained, but even more so. Not widow-brained but... Something single-sounding like that.
Confused? Catch up here. Yeah, things have been different recently. Quite sad in spots. But not all bad, not at all. Space is good for growth and stuff. I mean, I can't get into all the reasons, but Dan being in an apartment with some good Christian friends and me being here with the kids... it's what is needed. I'm absolutely certain of it.
But yes, my mind is elsewhere these days.
Kinda like when I took all the kids to the pool and remembered to put it all in locker 10 though who locks it, right? And then came out of the pool with four dripping wet kids and nothing in locker 10! Nothing! Most immediately alarming, no dry clothes. After a tense half hour with squealing naked preschoolers, I rightly reasoned--after checking 216 other lockers in my very finest frayed bath towel--that a thief would unlikely want our clothes along with my van keys. Figured this out after YMCA staff ascertained my van was still, very much, there.
That's when I found my stuff in the family changing room. Neatly folded on top of the paper towel dispenser.
So I'm not exactly myself these days... or I'm like myself but even more so? Living in separation can be a good thing but it's also stressful in new and unique ways. Like which circuit breaker is for the living room? And when do I pay for the van lease? And what animal is near the trash can at 3 AM?
And how to drive a standard 2006 Mustang convertible. Because all four kids need the mini van to go out with daddy, regularly. And after round the clock kids, I'm left alone sporting a loudly roaring car at a time in my life when I feel kind of... lost.
I first, I protested firmly. Didn't at all want to drive this recent acquisition which I had no part in choosing. Despite that (it's quite complicated), Dan and I are currently on civil terms, and may even be spotted at the grocery store occasionally--so neither panic or party if you see us, just smile and wave. Or chat. Chatting can totally happen; it's okay. You may even at some point see us driving around in a mini van or an obnoxiously loud topless vehicle.
So I'm not very fond of the thing. Not like my camera-friend or anything. Not something I'm familiar with and know what I can expect from. Usually takes me a few tries to open up the roof.
But I'm getting used to it. And it is really nice to have so much air and sky.
Keep the prayers up. I'll figure this thing out...
"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior.
My hope is in You."