I'm here! I'm here I'm here I'm here. Okay good. Wow. I will try not to mention that I have locked myself in the bathroom to write... Finally.
And I'm okay! I had an awful day, blogged, and then totally left this on a downer. Geesh.
Here's some things that perked up my mood:
1. I've gotten more child care. I had to. It is good for my sanity. I love my kids, but I need more quiet these days.
End of story.
2. Here's a weird one: guess what was on the bottom of my jewelry box?
Duh, you say. But here's the catch: I was wearing it in MA, at the MASS Hope conference for homeschoolers. And at a playground. I remember debating whether to wear it that morning, and going with it. I remember playing with it on my neck in the van. My husband--my compass of sanity these days--remembers it on me that day. I remember reaching up to my neck later and gasping because it was bare.
And... it's right here, back again. So... either my husband and I are getting crazy and forgetful with all the stress or... huh. Let's just say that's cool, and I must have someone looking out for me these days... :)
3. After much hassle with babysitters canceling and other heroes stepping in to fill the gap last minute, Dan and I got childcare for a day and took a long drive to New Hampshire. Didn't talk much, just absorbed the quiet and some non-kiddie CD's, including the "sound track" to my honeymoon. Wanna guess? Pep Shop Boys. Yes, I am totally embarrassed, thanks. But I found their songs both catchy and hysterical when I was a young bride of 23, and while we drove to California for untold hours and ate beef jerky out of bags (yeah, eww) Dan and I listened to "Go West!" I was going to post the link but it's even more cringe-worthy that way... ha...
The weather was lovely, and we drove up to the White Mountains,
and then back around Lake Winnipesaukee. I first saw the Lake when I was 14 and just fell in love... granted, I hadn't traveled further than Cape Cod till that point. My siblings and I were swimming and I dove right in the icy water and swam straight to the furthest dock. This greatly upset my Dad... poor Dad's had a fear of the water since his brother almost drowned in Spring Lake as a boy... But he didn't, and one day he explained to my father the meaning of John 3:16... and then, quite suddenly, my family became serious about faith. Which I'm really glad about you know, these days...
Anyway... mountains, lake, and ocean! We stopped to walk by the surf and wade (well, I did... other people don't like sand on their feet, hee hee), watching fog rising off the cold water and the crazy surfers.
The sea reminds me so much of its Creator, and just seems big enough to absorb all of my sadness. My greatest comfort is knowing how very well she is doing now in the hands of my God.
We never put the top down... oh, I forgot to mention my husband had rented a convertible, a vehicle I've only been in for like an hour before... They are like... way cool. :)
Note the blanket. :) Last minute, we realized we probably should wear hats to preserve our youthful skin, so we stole some of the kids and looked... less than cool. Luckily, my server will not allow me to download those photos at this time... :D As the evening wore on into upper 50's territory, we removed the caps but continued to look like absolute idiots, being blown around by cold wind while wrapped in coats... :) As we drove home, I looked at the sky for hours--longer than I ever have I think--watching the cloud shapes melting into each other, layers of filmy white on purest blue.
After dark, I watched the stars... if you just look straight up, it looks like the sky is rotating while the car is still. "Isn't it beautiful, Pepper?"
In my heart, I felt her whisper back from perfect joy, "Mom, wait till you see it from here!" :)