9. When you go outside in the morning to the shocking embrace of 27 fun-loving degrees, yell mild profanities at the sky. I have personally assumed this ritual on my front porch every morning, "C'mon Spring, ya stupid wimp!" (I'm talking really mild, toddler-friendly profanities.) It's oddly soothing. Try it sometime.
8. On second thought, try reverse psychology. Pump your fist in the frigid air. "YEAH! Eternal winter rocks!"
7. Cry for the crocuses. Just weep for those poor, frozen, Pollyannaish flowers. Maybe chisel them out of the ground and take them inside and put them by the fireplace.
6. Hunt the White Witch. She is OUT there, I'm telling you. She's even on Twitter!
The Lion, The Witch and the IKEA Wardrobe. #AddaWordRuinaMovie
Oh, and speaking of queens:
5. Stop watching Frozen. Yeah, yeah the DVD... JUST STOP RIGHT NOW. Duh, people!! There has to be a correlation. Disney, that was pure evil of you, really.
4. Call to mind the adage: "If you wear shorts, warmth will come." To this end, dry clean all your winter coats, store them in locked crates, and don the sandals. You know you want to!
3. Drink iced coffee, open your windows, crank Margaritaville, and cruise around the block. Go back home, put the coffee in the microwave, sit in front of a space heater, and sob.
2. Google: "Prayers For Warm Weather." Get "A Prayer for Fine Weather." Snort, realizing "fine" has many definitions. Happen upon "A Prayer To Keep Our Neighbors Warm." Mumble a prayer to that effect, but selfishly feel unsatisfied.
In the process of this research, realize it's a solemnity you heathen: the Feast of the Annunciation.
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For now, Note that all paintings of the Annunciation seem to appear in a spring-like setting. So gripe-blog about the cold anyway.
"The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land". Song of Solomon 2:12
Linked to Many Little Blessings
Linked to Many Little Blessings
Loved this! Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteI'm convinced that this long, brutal winter is all the fault of all the 4 year old girls, relentlessly singing, "let the storm rage ooooooooooon...the cold never bothered me anyway."
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure HOW it's their fault. Doesn't mean I'm wrong.
Thank you for making me smile today and I hate to rub this in but you forgot one....Go someplace tropical for a while...I leave next Thursday for Grand Cayman :)
ReplyDeleteLOL completely LOVED this
ReplyDeleteYeah, I know . . . it's all sorta first world, though, I can't help but reflect. Maybe I'll go read The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder!
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